Becoming a mommy has been such a mixture of emotions… happy, excited, nervous, stressed. But it has been nothing short of amazing. People tell you all about pregnancy and all about delivery and all about what it’s like being a mom, but no ones journey is like yours. Always remember that. I’m just here to share mine. Most people in life have something that they are soo incredibly good at and without a doubt know that is what they were born to do. I’ve never really had that. That is until I became a mommy. I would pray and ask god to show me what my purpose was in life, but didn’t really ever feel like I was getting any answers. But on March 23, 2019 at 4:19 in the morning he gave me my answer. My purpose in life was to be this baby boy’s mommy and it is the greatest purpose I could ever imagine. There are no words that could ever explain my love for him and how grateful I am that he was my purpose. For majority of my life, I wasn’t even sure I wanted kids. I mean yeah I thought they were super cute and everything, but I had such a passion for travel and living my life to the fullest that I really hadn’t put much thought into having kids. The way people act, your life is basically over after you have kids. But man, they couldn’t be more wrong. The day I had him, was the day my life began again. I had a whole new reason to live, a purpose. After all, I was holding a part of me. This is why I am so thankful that it doesn’t matter what our plans are for our life, because Gods plan is greater. I was put on this earth to be this baby boy’s mommy. Have I messed up? Of course. Have I made mistakes? Absolutely. But haven’t we all? At the end of the day, god chose me to be his mom, no one else. When you have a baby, everyone wants to help, everyone has an opinion. I’ve had to learn to shut them out because no one knows my baby better than me. That’s one of my biggest pieces of advice I have for any new or expecting moms. Never let someone else tell you how to raise or what to do when your baby is concerned. You might make mistakes along the way, but god never does and he chose you to be that baby’s mommy. You were made to do this.
My journey through pregnancy was relatively easy. I was very fortunate to have an easy pregnancy. I was a little nauseous for a few weeks, but only got sick a handful of times. I didn’t really have cravings, other than a bacon McDouble from McDonald’s 😂 I didn’t have any issues. I ended up carrying full term, but hadn’t had any contractions so we ended up scheduling for me to be induced 3 days after my due date. After being induced, the furthest I got was 4cm, props to you ladies who do this all natural because umm no thanks lol I had the epidural 3 times but it didn’t work. I was in labor for a day and half. Kyson’s heart rate was rising and I wasn’t dilating any further, so one of the things I was most scared of the entire pregnancy became a reality. They took me in for an emergency c-section. I had never had a surgery of any kind so needless to say I was a nervous wreck. I decided to stay awake for the c- section so that my husband could be in the room with me. Honestly I handled it much better than I expected. The moment I heard his cry, is a moment I won’t forget. And the minute they laid him on my chest is a moment I’ll hold close forever. This baby, grew inside of me. My body did a miraculous thing. For 9 months, I carried him. And here he was. I was finally meeting him. My perfect 8 pound 6 ounce baby boy. I didn’t think it was possible to love someone so much that you just met. When you here the term “Love at First Sight” I think this is what they mean. I took one look at him and fell in love. And my love for him grows more everyday. The recovery after a c- section is rough. I’m sure the recovery after pregnancy in general is rough, but from my personal experience I can only talk about the c-section recovery. I had a lot of people tell me that the first time I stood up would feel like my insides was about to hit the floor. I however, didn’t experience that. The most painful part for me was trying to raise up because it felt alike my staples were going to rip apart. Recovery was hard because I’m so used to doing everything for myself and while recovering I had to rely on everyone else. I could never thank my husband or my parents enough for being there for me during this. When you have a baby, everyone tends to focus on the baby, you basically become invisible, or at least with your hormones all over the place, that’s what it feels like. I mean I get it, but everyone seems to forget what you just went through to get that baby here. They never did. They tended to me and did all they could to make sure I was okay because they knew I would do everything I could to make sure my baby was okay. After having a child, I wouldn’t say I was prepared for a rough recovery, but I did expect it to be hard. But one thing people hadn’t really told me was how much it messed with you not just physically, but emotionally. I had always heard the phrase postpartum, but didn’t really take into account how serious it could be until it affected me. Having a baby is one of the greatest joys, but it is also incredibly stressful. You are responsible for a human life. You have no clue what you’re doing. And to top it off you can barely move after having surgery. So many people say you forget everything once it’s all over. I wouldn’t say that. I remember just about every detail almost a year later. But does it matter? Absolutely not, I’d do it all over again for him. But postpartum is real.
I had always heard of postpartum, but never really grasped the concept of it because I had never experienced pregnancy or labor. It’s honestly a feeling that can’t be explained and that can be so different for everyone. Almost a year later and I just now feel like I am starting to feel like myself again. It’s a battle everyday accepting you’ll never be the woman you once were and coming to terms that you are okay with that. I never knew how serious Postpartum depression could be. I now know what it’s like and truly believe that so many women go through this silently. I think I struggled to admit it to myself and I know I’m not alone. Postpartum depression is self doubt, feeling like your not doing anything right or just simply not good enough. Everything changes. Your body changes, your mind, your entire life. You look in the mirror and have no idea who is looking back at you. You’re swollen from surgery, pale from having blood drawn everyday and feel miserable with bags under your eyes from not having any sleep. You can’t move without being in pain and you just want everything to go back to normal. But that’s the thing… what is normal? You have to find a whole new normal now. On top of everything else already weighing down on me, I was the sole responsible person that had to feed my baby. I 100% don’t regret breastfeeding, but I never knew how hard it would be either. Every cry, every whimper, everyone saying omg he must be hungry feed him. I felt helpless. My milk hadn’t come in and everyone made me feel like I was starving my baby. It quite honestly was probably the hardest part. To any girls out there who plan to breast feed.. Do not let anyone make you feel like this, you are producing exactly what your baby needs. You and the doctors know what are best and that is the only ones you should listen to. My breastfeeding journey, unfortunately didn’t go as I had hoped… the stress got the best of me and with coming and going of people so often. I stopped breastfeeding and went strictly to pumping and bottle feeding. My supply has been great so I am thankful for that and at almost 10 months old we are still pumping and bottle feeding! I don’t want it to seem like I think there is anything wrong with formula because there isn’t. I just wanted to breastfeed. So I am incredibly thankful that my I was able to do so one way or another. My recovery emotionally was much harder and took much longer than the recovery of my c section. People don’t talk about how much it not only affects you, but your relationships with everyone around you. Not just your friends, but your families as well. Coming home and finding a new normal was hard. Trying to find a routine that worked for me and my little family was hard. Some days are still hard. But I love him endlessly. He’s taught me so much already. About life and about myself. He’s shown me that I am much stronger than I ever thought I was. I’ve learned that it doesn’t matter and I don’t care what anyone thinks of me. I am here to be the best mom I can be to him and that’s what I’m doing. Becoming a mommy was and is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I will continue to think god everyday for giving me my purpose❤️
If you know a new mom, let her know she’s important and she’s doing a great job. Give her space when needed and be there for her when she needs help. Transitioning into motherhood is not easy.
I’d love to hear your stories! Did your birth plan go how you expected it to? Which part was the hardest for you. Let me know in the comments. Also, if you are a new mom and suffering silently with postpartum, Don’t. Reach out to someone, Talk to someone. Drop me a message, I am always here to chat<3
-much love, Emily